GIMP Gate

I hadn't posted to this journal in about seven years until the other day. So I went back to the archives and started re-reading all my posts from the beginning. I've only gotten through about a year and half so far, but it's...sad.

I see posts from the days when Snippy and I were happy. I see me talking about that. I see comments she made on my posts, joking sometimes, offering sympathy or encouragement or insights sometimes. I see posts I made about dealing with raising the kids, cars or appliances breaking down, about health--the kids or Snippy or me, or some combination of us being sick. I see posts about dealing her mother's terminal illness and death. I see posts about being tired, worn down, ill, stressed and dealing with it.

Posts about life, because that's all that was. Things often didn't go smoothly. But we were happy. I loved her. She loved ME. And somewhere along the way, we lost that. And I regret that very much, and feel guilty for not being the partner she needed, for making her feel eventually that her life would be better without me in it. (And I know from things she said since our divorce, that I'm not alone in that.) It's just heartbreaking to read those posts from a guy who had no idea that in fourteen years he'd be separated and living alone again, and eventually divorced.

I'm remarried now, and I'm very happy with her. And if that first marriage had worked out, I'd never have met her. But I'm also aware that I felt that way the first time and I let complacency steal it from me. I could have been a better husband. It's a strong motivation to make sure I don't let that happen again.

Yeah. It's been...years since I last posted to this journal. And I don't know if I'll continue, but I figured I'd give it a try.

So...when last we saw our intrepid hero, he was newly divorced and living alone in the aptly-named Fortress of Solitude apartment. In the seven years or so since then, I've remarried. It took a couple of years before I felt ready to venture into the dating pool again, but I did, and I found my new wife and I'm very happy with her. We've been married three or four years now. (I forget exactly, though I know that we got married on October 31st--Halloween!--to make it memorable. So, the date? Yes! The year? Not so much....

I'm still working for OHSU, but I'm working remotely from home and have been for going on five years now (since Covid in 2020). I love it. It enabled me to move out of the cesspool that is, sadly, now Portland and move to a small town in Washington state about an hour's drive from OHSU. I only go into the office about once every six weeks to do things that have to be done on-site (we take it turns to do so weekly).

I went to the Oregon Renaissance Faire today. It was a 90 minute drive there and back, and while the Faire was...okay* I'm glad I went. It got me out of the house for the day. More specifically, it got me out of my office and off of the computer, away from Tumblr and X, upon which I spend too much time. It also got me away from the nagging feeling that I should be working on a couple of works of fiction. One is erotica on Literotica that is well over 200,000 words at this point, but every chapter takes longer than the last. So I'm trying to wind it up, but I feel bad when I don't work on it often. The other is a Highlander fanfic focusing on Michelle Webster. I've written thousands upon thousand of words about her, mostly in online panfandom RPGs, but some fic as well. But this one...it's like carving a statue out of marble. It's going...slowly. I'm not sure why. But getting away from all of that was good for me.

I walked around the faire for about three hours, which was good for me, too. Then I went and got a massage because why not? And then, while talking to the masseuse, I was reminded that I was in Tigard and not far from Buster's BBQ, which I hadn't had in...years.** So I drove over there and ate barbecue, and yea verily, it was delicious. Then home to mindlessly watch a few episodes of Mythbusters (it's one of my defaults when I'm too zoned out to choose something, or to pay a lot of attention.)

But now I've succumbed once more to the lure of the internet. But that's okay. I'm taking the day off.

And I don't remember offhand how to put a cut in the post, so here it is in all its wordy glory.

*I've been to MANY such faires over the years, as well as numerous SCA events when I was doing SCA, and a lot of the bloom is off the rose for me now. It was entertaining to see the crowds in costume, and to browse the merchant stalls but I bought nothing. Not even food or drink (the lines were ridiculous, and a lot of food vendors didn't sell drinks, so you'd have to stand in TWO long lines for both...no thanks). But I saw a couple of friends I hadn't seen in a while (we coordinated the day we went), so that was nice.

**I like my small town a lot, but it doesn't have a lot of the restaurant options the Portland metro area provides.